An Open Letter to the Man-Bun Gone Wrong

By Allison Yeh

Dear Semi-Man-Bunner,

To man-bun or not to man-bun – that is the question you asked when in the Barbour shop on that boring Monday night. You can’t settle for classic short hair because you wear slim pants and the occasional dress jacket. But your skater inspired sneakers hamper your worthiness of shoulder length hair that you can tie back while in a deep philosophical conversation. In the Barbour shop you expressed your need to have both.

And while your Russian hairdresser might have initially questioned your bold yet ambiguous

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Image courtesy of

choice, he understood that times have changed, that the rat-tail has finally decided to make its way to the top. If only someone were there to warn you of your impractical mistake. Come beanie season when the leaves start changing color, you will have forgone the look of sexy strands flowing out of  your slouchy hat, like a secret ready to be unleashed, to settle for the curious force making your beanie stick up like a pin.

I appreciate your artsy effort, but the semi-man-bun is a poor memory of what glorious locks used to be until you shaved off the sides and left a measly pineapple bun to do the job of a full-haired Harry Styles. I only pray that you look as disgusting with your new do as I imagine, or else you might inspire other man-bunners to convert to the shaved sides too.

With (Hair)Do Respect,

Allison Just Wants A Full-Fucking-Man-Bun Yeh

Allison Yeh is a sophomore at Barnard and Lead Features Editor of Barnard Bite.


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